Blue Drug
by Youkomon
Summary: Obession is a drug. And Roll is suffering the aftermath of the worst kind of all...[various pairings if you look close enough]


An impossible scenario that would never happen .XD. But hey, I wanted to do something different and felt like messing up the characters.

* * *

She was fine. No, really, she was absolutely fine.

_The trickle of blue hair draped over his neck, like a veil she wanted to part. Maybe he would let her fingers trail through it if she was daring enough…but only when they were alone._

Okay, so maybe she suffered the odd flashback but she was moving on. She was strong…not really strong but by average standards…well, she was above all that.

It wasn't like she was wilting away or anything. God, that really would be pathetic. But no, here and now, she knew her own mind. It was just her feelings she wasn't so sure about. It wasn't as though there was anything really solid for her to cling onto anymore. Nothing to tie her down. Nothing secure.

God, Rockman, you were so fucked up.

_His green eyes like a charm that could ensnare any girl's heart, her heart. They were friendly, inviting, the colour you could swim in and forget you were remaining still. Submerged…and she could never dry her own eyes completely._

They had been perfect, like a fairytale. But he tore up the ending. Left her with no hope and this endless longing that bites, bites…bites…

But she was over it. Nothing like some therapy shopping in Internet City to take one's mind off things.

And then there was a swift movement and a navi with green eyes brushed past her. It was Rockman.

The data packages dropped down from her arms and bounced off among the artificial cobbles, uncared for and already distingrating as she strode forwards.

**Grab his arm. Make him look at you damn it! Make him see what he's done. Make him say sorry. Make him beg. Make him utter the word 'mistake'. But just don't, don't let him say it's over…**

The navi turns, startled at the furious grasp that has appeared on his forearm, stared her straight in the eye-

It is not Rockman. But for a second it was.

She drops her gaze, mutters a short apology and stumbles backwards, wishing that Rush would miraculously appear and drag her down one of his holes.

"I thought you were someone else."

She always thinks it was someone else. Her someone else. Yesterday, next week, it will always be the same. Someone with the same style hair, suit, posture, size, someone with the same polite smile….but it will never be the same someone else.

She ignores the strange looks, flicks her hair back and glances round for her misplaced shopping. And blinks as one of the parcels is shoved under her nose.

"The other one broke. Sorry."

But the voice is blunt, no trace of remorse.

She looks up and meets the stare of sun-tinted shades. Only of course, it is not the real sun, only fake light inside a fake world. Likewise her suffering is fake.

The red navi regards her sonically with a vague air of interest circulating around him.

"Roll? Is something wrong?"

Everything.

"Nothing", she replies, fiercely injecting her voice with as much sugary hospitality as possible.

Here's one navi she could never mistake for her Rockman. The hair is too long, too smooth and the wrong colour. The suit is too bright, the posture too formal to be anything related to him. And there are no warm irises to get lost in, merely a barrier of sunglasses.

"It's not 'nothing'. Something has been bothering you for the last two months. I've seen it and now I want to know exactly what has happened to the Roll I used to see laughing at Rockman's side."

Her fists clench. And shake. And rock.

"Don't say his name!" she hisses.

The unruffled face tilts to one side. And in that instance she can see that he knows. He knows everything.

She backs away horrified.

"Roll…"

His tone is gentle but with the overwhelming presence of authority on his side.

"No…there's nothing wrong with me…" she whispers, stricken with terror.

_His shape, his arms…she loved everything about him. Even his scent, something that wasn't supposed to exist, cloaked her. And she was so careful, so gentle, determined not to scare him off. He was hers and only she knew what lay beneath that helmet, what sparkled in his eyes. They had had fun and he loved to see her smile._

_And she remembered on the eve of the new year, gathering him close and whispering in his ear…_

"Roll", Blues cut through harshly, "I know everything. I know how much he hurt you. He still is. I've seen the page."

Something similar to bile crept up her throat.

"NO!" she shrieked.

_She told him that she loved him._

Roll covered her eyes and shook.

_She told him that she loved him…and he had smiled and said he loved her too…_

"It was all a lie…" she whispered.

…_and then he had net battled throughout the night, fought until she dragged his leaden weight back to Netto. She should have realised, seen the warning signs. _

Blues grabbed her hand, ignored her protests and logged them both off from the city, directing them to a small section of the web that Roll recognised…

_He had fought his way to near death…because he couldn't accept the fact that she loved him._

He dumped her unceremoniously at the foot of a site…a site coated with photos of Rockman, a pic achieve devoted to a variety of facial expressions. Expressions that she would guiltily lap up each night, hungrily sketching each detail into her mind.

She moaned.

"Roll…"

Blues' voice. A mere whisper now.

"_Keep smiling Roll. Keep smiling. That's how I'll always remember you."_

_A tear slipped down her cheek as he leaned over to kiss her goodbye, before jetting off to a new life with Netto in Creamland._

_She didn't fail to notice how the 'Chan' had slipped off and away from his tongue._

"This is really bad Roll. You need to grieve but this…is going too far. You need to let go."

"No, I can't grieve."

Blues stepped back at the hardness in her voice.

"I wasn't allowed to grieve, everyone expected me to be happy and move on! Whenever I tried to talk about him, they always said it was unhealthy, even you said it…and then they changed the topic…"

She sniffed.

"We were wrong."

She started. And stared at him, observed the way his head hung down and how he failed to meet her eyes. It was then that she realised this was as close to an apology as she would ever receive from him….and would be one of the few people to ever get one…

"Let me help you."

She stared at his outstretched hand.

"Why? Why would you want to help me?"

"Rockman was my friend. And you were his. And that is enough to give reason to help you. Besides, nobody deserves this sort of pain, least of all you. And yes, he was a little…off…when it came to love. I don't think he ever understood what 'commitment' it involved. He wasn't ready. And he hurt you. I don't like to see you hurt. I don't like seeing anyone hurt in this manner."

And in his careful words she saw Enzan. A lost, frightened child who had suffered the same pain of having a large chunk of your heart ripped out and giving little room to grieve. She had driven Rockman away with her clinchy worship of him…he had stole Blues away with a dark chip. Both actions haunted different people for similar reasons. And however temporary the loss had turned out to be, Enzan's loneliness still haunted the red navi.

She looked at him, past him, picturing his eyes and the dazzling honesty of genuine blue they held. She wasn't sure why she was so certain of their true colour…but all she cared about what that they did not hold the deception of parsimonious green.

Ha. Her eyes were already jaded enough.

And she used those same damaged irises to stare at his hand. A hand that had felt so much, even been deleted once before.

And so she reached out…and held his hand.

"**_Roll-chan?"_**

"**_Rockman…it's good to see you again. I'm sorry to bother you like this…but…but I needed to see you again. It was important."_**

"**_Important?"_**

"**_Yes…I put off seeing you for so long that I ended up hurting myself more in the process. I was damaging myself all because I refused to let 'it' end."_**

"…**_Roll-chan…"_**

"**_Don't. Just don't. It's okay now. I'm not fine, not great…I'm just okay, you know?"_**

"**_I'm sorry."_**

"**_Me too. I finally deleted all those pics of you…and those audio clips…I won't stalk you or anything…how's Netto?"_**

"**_Oh, erm…thanks…I think…Netto-kun? He's fine. He and Pride are out discussing some new programs over…a burger…bar…"_**

"**_Typical. Give them my regards."_**

"**_I will…and Roll-chan?"_**

"**_Hmm?"_**

"**_Will you really be okay?"_**

"…"

"**_Roll-chan?"_**

_A small smile outside the cyber café, a new collar for Rush cursory of Enzan's company, a twitch and a streak of red lightening when she tried to remove his shades, some handy sword fighting tips and a back that was always, always covered by a skilled one._

_A sound of incoming data, a small twitch of her lips as a shy, solid hand feeds her own scared one with it's unmistakable presence. A smile spreads over her cheekbones as she feels rather than sees him by her side, arriving to install the confidence in her she needs to face this demon, just as he needed Enzan to face his own._

"**_Yes…yes Rockman. I think I will be alright. Given time, yes."_**

And Blues smiled for the first time that week.

* * *

(shrugs) Interpret the pairings as you see fit...you didn't really think I was going to make Blues a bad guy did ya. :P And the ending? Well, Roll's friendshiphas always beenimportant to Rockman...and no, Roll isn't an evil dudess in this fic eitherto those who like toyell about how she's pink and deserves to die becauseof it...sheesh...


End file.
